This post is addressed to a certain group of women. Perhaps you are a member of this group. Please answer the following questions:
(1) Do you drive downtown on weekdays?
(2) Do you drive through the intersection of Main and Madison?
(3) Do you drive through said intersection between 8 and 9 am and 5 and 6 pm?
(4) Do you turn left in this intersection, either from Main to Madison or Madison to Main?
(5) Do you always have on your bug-eye sunglasses?
(6) Are you talking on your cell phone while driving through this intersection?
If you answered all of these questions “yes,” then keep reading - I have something to say to you.
First, a little driving lesson. You should have learned this in driver’s education, but hey . . . you were probably too busy writing I “heart” Dave on your paper and snapping your gum to really listen. So, here is a refresher. When you are turning left at an intersection with a stoplight, you must yield to pedestrians in the crosswalk who are crossing with the green light and walk signal. Also, it is not a good idea to start your left turn before looking to see if there are any pedestrians in the crosswalk. By starting your left hand turn prior to checking for either oncoming traffic or pedestrians will create a very interesting problem for you. You will be stuck between oncoming traffic and a pedestrian and neither of them will really care whether you make it through the intersection.
Second, a little warning. It’s never a good idea to hit a pedestrian. Even the most empty-headed of you have probably figured that out. But it is particularly not good to hit this pedestrian. Really, it is not even good to come close to hitting this pedestrian and then give this pedestrian a dirty look while she wonders whether you are paying any attention at all and whether you will hit her and whether it will hurt when her head hits the pavement.
You see, this pedestrian is fed up. She is sick and tired of having her life flash before her eyes when simply crossing the street every day on her way to and from work. So, get this through your thoroughly moussed head - it will not be pretty if you hit this pedestrian. Yeah, sure, I’m talking about the blood and brains all over the pavement. But I am also talking about the pain you will feel when you realize you have hit this particular pedestrian.
You see, even non-litigious lawyers like myself do not take kindly to being hit by a car. It ruffles our feathers. It makes me wonder who will take care of my child if both of my legs are broken. It makes me wonder who will plan his first birthday party if I am in a coma. It makes me wonder who will care for my parents in their old age if I am dead.
But, mostly, it makes me think about one thing . . . damages. Compensatory and punitive damages.
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7 comments:
Damn, man, and I thought the title was harsh!
Remind me never to get on your bad side.
I love it! I think that very thing at EVERY intersection as I am crossing downtown, and that is even with my bigass rollcartbag in tow. It's gotten crazy, so what did they do some time back? Remember when they were ticketing the PEDESTRIANS for walking in the intersections when the light was still green but the no walk sign was lit?? Give me a break! Why not ticket the car-wielding idiots? Oh yeah, it's Peoria.
Yes!! Amen, glad you said it.
I got kind of nervous, because I drive downtown on weekdays on Madison, but then I realized I'm not this ditz.
How about whippin' up a nice sign in 48 point font -- YIELD TO PEDESTRIANS (add favorite curse word here) to hold him when she pulls this crap.
Lately I keep getting stuck behind people who don't understand how left turn lanes work, to wit, that you're meant to hang out in the middle of the intersection waiting for the other side to clear, ideally far enough forward so a second car can get its nose in the intersection, so you can BOTH turn left when the light turns yellow.
Not sit ALL THE WAY BACK BEHIND THE LINE AND REFUSE TO TURN LEFT ON A GREEN WHEN THERE IS NO ONCOMING TRAFFIC. Asshats.
(And no, it's not a "left on arrow only" intersection.)
Usually I'm mind-boggled in Peoria by the number of people who'll dash through a yellow. But the last two weeks I keep getting stuck behind Peorians who refuse to understand that green means go.
I like your blog 'cause cussing is allowed!
Slightly off topic- Something funny happened to me yesterday as I'm sitting at the lights of University and Pioneer Parkway. I'm in the right lane 4 or 5 cars back, and in the left lane cars are backed up also, but there was a space of nearly a car length between two of the cars. I didn't think anything of it until I hear someone LAY on the horn. They literally SAT on it. Ok, fine, you're thinking that the light turned green and the one driver is spaced out looking for a cd or something, right?
The light was RED.
And here I thought there were extra points for mowing down a lawyer!
Sweet rant. I'd walk slower if possible. Also reminds me of a t-shirt to wear downtown - black tee - picture of two hands - one pointing straight out - the other flipping off. Seems to sum up your feelings well.
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