News Flash

"Men Who Do More Housework May Get More Sex" says a group of researchers after looking at the roles of men and women in two income households. Well, I'd like to send out a nice fat DUH on that one. One researcher says:

"If a guy does housework, it looks to the woman like he really cares about her — he's not treating her like a servant," said Coleman, who is affiliated with the Council on Contemporary Families. "And if a woman feels stressed out because the house is a mess and the guy's sitting on the couch while she's vacuuming, that's not going to put her in the mood."

OK, I'll go along with those statements, but I think there is a little more behind all of this. It is not just the man doing more housework and the woman automatically "rewarding" him for his good behavior. In a broad sense, relationships are becoming more and more equal for a variety of reasons.

First, the men who are in their 20s and 30s now were more likely raised by women who came of age during the women's movement. It is more likely their mothers worked outside of the home during part or all of their childhoods. It is more likely that these men experienced homes where their fathers helped a little more than their grandfathers, and also where the children helped out as well.

Both of my parents worked full time during the entire time my brother and I were children (and both still work now). My father did a great deal of the household chores, probably equal to the amount my mother did. However, both of my grandfathers were very traditional; they did no housework that I remember and considered mowing the lawn and grilling steaks on Saturday significant contributions to the household. Furthermore, my brother and I also helped more around the house because both of our parents worked.

Second, couples may be having more sex now than they did 30 to 40 years ago, but not just because men are helping more around the house. I really dislike this notion that men are the only ones who want to have sex and that women don't really want to have sex, but they use it to reward their men. This completely disregards women as sexual beings as well, not just as candy machines where men have to "pay" the right amount to get some sugar. Sometimes women want to have sex to reward themselves and because it feels good, not to reward their men.

I would venture to say that in the last 40 years, it has been more acceptable for women to consider themselves sexual beings and admit they want to have sex because they enjoy it. (I am not going to use my family as an example here, because frankly I don't know how often my parents and grandparents had sex and don't really want to know.)

This does not mean men should stop helping around the house. After all, it does really piss off a woman when she is vacuuming and you are sitting on the couch. But remember, it is not the fact that you vacuum that makes a woman happy. It is the fact that you consider her your equal partner in the relationship. Now that's sexy.