I'm So Stimulating . . .

. . . the economy, that is.

When I first heard about the economic stimulus checks, I thought it was a cruel joke. The government giving me free money? No way . . . too good to be true. But, you know, as the checks rolled in, I thought maybe this is a good idea. After all, even though my check was cut because of my income level, any extra money is always helpful.

I planned exactly what I was going to do with the money - new tires for my car. My car guy told me in December that I desperately needed new tires and I pretty much ignored him. After all, car guys are almost always lying or puffing to get you to spend more money at their shops. I asked him if he defined "desperately" as (1) need to change because it is a good proactive thing to do or (2) need to change because the car will explode tomorrow if they are not changed. After a pause, he said, "Well, the car's not going to explode . . . ." Thanks, buddy! That means I'll wait six months to replace the tires.

But, since I am a responsible adult, I resigned myself that this stimulus money was going mostly to new tires, although I would have rather used it to spend a week at the spa. (Man, does it suck to be a grown-up!) So, last weekend I bought my car some new tires. Then I went and bought the kids some big toys - a Dora "Best Friends" trike for the girl and a "Cozy Coupe II" for the boy. And then I bought them some clothes and a few unnecessary items at the Disney Store (store closing prices!)

I still had some money left (I feel like I am on some sort of game show . . .) and I thought I would buy myself some clothes, shoes, and books. But my house had other ideas . . . my house apparently wanted a new dishwasher. It told me it wanted a new dishwasher because the existing one basically exploded on Sunday night. I guess my clothes, shoes, and books will have to wait until next year. (OK - who are we kidding - I'll buy that stuff anyway.)

So, yesterday, I bought a new dishwasher and was questioned by the sales clerk. She wanted to know if I have an existing dishwasher. Yep! Then she asked if it can be removed. Umm . . . well, I've never tried to remove my dishwasher, but I am assuming it wasn't cemented into the kitchen . . . so, Yep! No, she explained, what I mean is has a floor been laid in front of it?

Oh shit.

I personally haven't laid a floor in front of it, but the people who owned it before I did put a new ceramic tile floor in the kitchen. I have no idea if the dishwasher was in place when they did that. Damn.

The bottom line is that, if the current dishwasher doesn't slide out on its own, I can either (1) rip the floor out or (2) rip the countertop off. I'd rather do the countertop because the floor is relatively new and the countertops are much older (and faux-wood Formica - Yikes!) But, if I take the countertops off, I will have to replace the sink as well because it is pretty much cemented to the countertop. And, hell, as long as we're going . . . why not a new faucet? Water filtration system? New cabinets? New stove? Let's replace all the windows, too. Why the hell not?

Take that stupid economy. Now get up off your lazy ass and start making my investments worthwhile!!