Eliminating the Need for Toilet Paper

Recently, my parents decided to make a very wise decision and sell their 100 year old house and buy a townhome. I call this a very wise decision because their current home, while beautiful, would not be livable if one of them were to have significant health and/or mobility problems. Their house had many wonderful quirks found in all old homes, but most importantly, did not have a bedroom or a full bathroom on the main floor. At 68 and 63 years of age, my parents needed to think about these things.

So, they put their house on the market and purchased townhome which was built in 2001. I saw it for the first time this weekend on their final walk through before taking possession later this week. It is much better for their needs - the main level has the living room, dining room, kitchen, master bedroom, laundry, and a study. Therefore, if they needed to, they could live on the main floor.

When most people purchase a home in their 60s, they downsize. Not my parents. The townhouse has the same square footage as their old house. However, my mother was quick to point out one major difference, saying, "The new house has five bathrooms. But one of them is completely unnecessary."

One of the five bathrooms is completely unnecessary?

Yes, sometimes my parents' view of the world is a little skewed.

Anyway, I got a first hand look at these five bathrooms over the weekend. In the end, there are only three full bathrooms and two half baths. And given the layout of the house, it makes sense why someone would want a bathroom in each location. However, the fact that many people (such as myself) make do with just one full and one half bathroom, suggests that five bathrooms is a little excessive.

But there's more . . . these potties are not just holes in the floor with a nearby sink. Oh no. They feature the latest in bathroom technology and I'm not talking about double sinks and pool-sized bathtubs. I'm talking about high-tech toilets.

Now, from first glance, these toilets don't make a big impression. But, while we were touring the house, my daughter had to pee. So, I helped her sit on the toilet. Immediately, she said, "It's HOT, Mama!!" I looked at her and said, "Don't be silly, it's not hot." She insisted that it was and the real estate agent said, "Oh, she must be talking about the heated toilet seat."

WTF? Come again? Heated Toilet Seat?

It seems my parents have purchased a townhome with the latest in toilet technology - the TOTO Washlet Toilet. And yes, this toilet seeks to eliminate the need for toilet paper. How, you ask? Well, let's take a look at its features and maybe you will get the picture:

Auto Flush
Auto Seat Open and Close
Rear Cleanse (yes, as in your rear)
Soft Cleanse
Front Cleanse
Oscillating Cleanse
Pulsating Cleanse
Heated Water (for the cleansing)
Water Pressure and Temperature Control
Water Position Adjustment
Air Purifier
Air Jet Dry

I haven't tried it yet. My dad said he's afraid to try it. My mom tried it and she found it very "refreshing." I chalk that up to the fact that she was raised in Europe.

However, upon further consideration, I think a TOTO toilet would be the answer to my cat-eating-toilet-paper problem. On the other hand, I don't think I want my va-jay-jay "air jet" dried.