Girl Talk

I’m sure there are guys who assume when women get together, we just talk about our feelings and make-up and shoes and purses. Oh, and we always have a pillow fight in our underwear. Truthfully, some of that is true. Except we almost always have naked pillow fights.

Last night, Katie and I were on our way to book club. One of our dear book club members just had a beautiful baby girl on Thursday. In addition, about 500 of our closest friends are currently pregnant. For any woman, even two women not wanting or expecting to be pregnant, the presence of so much pregnancy tends to invade every day conversations. So, that’s the back story for this conversation:

Me: Sometimes I wonder if my uterus is all old and dried up.

Katie: You are NOT that old!

Me: I’ll be 38 this year. 38!!

Katie: You have a solid ten years left of good uterus.

Me: Ten years?? I don’t want to have a baby at 48!! I’m not going to be using my uterus for that at 48!

Katie: Oh, well, yeah . . . that. I wouldn’t recommend having a baby after 45.

Me: What the hell did you think I was talking about using my uterus for? Extra storage space?

Katie: Oh my god . . . I’m having the weirdest mental picture!

[stop talking to giggle about what we could store in our uteruses (uteri?)]

Me: Wow. There’s a thought. It would be a really good place to keep my keys. I can NEVER find my keys when I need them.

Katie: It would be like the Great Room of a house!

Me: Well, really . . . it does fulfill all of your families needs.

[more giggling]

Katie: So, if the vagina is the Great Room . . . .

Me: No, the uterus is the Great Room. The vagina is more like the entryway to the Great Room.

Katie: Like the doorway. Wait, no . . . the labia is like the doorway, the vagina is the entryway and the uterus is the Great Room. That works.

[more giggling]

Katie: So . . . what’s the anus?

Me: The man cave?