Live Blogging from My Couch

Well, since this format seems to work so well for another blogger, I thought I would try it. Granted, I'm not covering some important media event or meeting, but I bet my live blogging will be a hell of a lot more fun. Plus, it is too damn cold to go out. Oh, yeah . . . and I'm the only adult here so I should probably stay at home.

7:56 pm - Three year old finally sung herself to sleep. Ugh.

What the fuck is up with Stacy London's gray streak? I thought Jay Leno had the corner on that market. Although, have you noticed that Jay Leno's streak used to be white in front surrounded by black and now it is black in front surrounded by gray?

7:57 pm - excuse me. Important text message

7:59 pm - switch to Tool Academy. I missed it on Sunday because of fab book club meeting. I can't figure out whether the men are really the tools or there will be a surprise ending where it is revealed that the women are really the bigger tools. Because, all of these women should be shot in the head. Or the fake boobs.

8:01 pm - Oh yeah. Right. The tools are holding each other accountable. Whatever. Oh oh - crooked nipples? I might have to pay attention now.

8:02 pm - important text message

8:03 pm - it is fucking cold in my house. Seems to be colder than usual this winter. Why is that?

8:05 pm - I'm sorry, but how can you love someone for who he is when his hair looks like a rooster who had an accident with a bleach bottle. Does that make me shallow? Hmm . . . something to think about.

8:10 pm - UGH! I can't believe Vicki Christina Barcelona won a Golden Globe. That was a shitty movie. Shitty, shitty movie written by a dirty old man about what he fantasizes young intelligent educated women are like. All it shows is that he has absolutely NO CLUE what women are like. Which is probably why he married with his daughter. Clearly, he doesn't really get women. Gross, gross, gross. I mean, when girls travel together, shouldn't they be talking about their hopes and their dreams and not flirting with overly-hairy men in foreign bars? Aside from the overly-hairy thing, I would much rather flirt than talk about my hopes and dreams over and over again while I am in Europe.

8:14 pm - OK - babe. No man can MAKE you feel beautiful. That's not his job. It is YOUR job to feel good about yourself.

8:18 pm - The Ping-Pong Personality Game. They may be tools, but they have a way with words, I'm telling you.

"It deeply upsetted me."

8:23 pm - I just remembered my daughter zipped up my hoodie all the way up while we were reading books an hour ago which is why the zipper keeps poking me in the neck. Mystery solved.

8:25 pm - text message from crazy BFF. I mean, she is always sort of crazy but in the last few weeks she has been walking on the edge of truly batshit crazy. She is obsessed with her sister's impeding divorce. While I know this is very hard for the entire family, my BFF has really taken it upon herself to do most of the freaking out for her sister. It's not healthy, I tell you. I think she needs a hobby. Or four. Or a job.

8:35 pm - I haven't talked to my parents for awhile. I wonder what is going on with them. They were in South Carolina two weekends ago and my brother was at their house this past weekend. I know this because my brother "poked" me using my dad's facebook account. I think he can't figure out how to have his own account. Which is weird because he used to be a computer nerd. But now the last thing he did with his computer was transfer all of his opera CDs to his iPod. So, maybe that still makes him a computer nerd but in a completely different way.

8:36 pm - I think trailers for horror films should only be shown after 10 pm. They freak me the shit out. Yes, even the trailers. I don't like them. Just like that Nike ad during the 2000 Summer Olympics which featured the woman being chased by a crazy masked killer and she was able to outrun him because she was wearing Nikes? I couldn't sleep for a week after that ad. I lived on the third floor and I set up traps in front of all my windows. Well, I mean . . . I set out glasses and pots and pans so I could be scared shitless 1.5 seconds before I was cut into tiny little pieces by a psychokiller.

8:39 pm - Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew!! All of the Tool Academy conjugal visits happen in the same room. There is NO way I would get busy on that bed. Ew. Ew. Eeeeeeewwwwwww.

8:41 pm - Oh no! He started talking about his moms! The shit is on.

8:53 pm - crap. got sucked into shoutbox conversation at PeoriaSpeaks. Hard to live blog in two places at the same time. I might just be woman enough to handle it, though.

8:56 pm - Is she going to go home with the Tool?? She always does. Fucking spineless twits. Oh, Celebrity/Clarence going home. He's just a complete tool.

8:57 pm - PEACE BITCH! She didn't get into the car with her boyfriend. She rocks! I have new respect for her. Wait. She spent 10 years with a guy who calls himself "Celebrity"?? It's about time she left him.

9:00 pm - What to watch next? Housewives? America's Funniest Home Videos? The Housewives are creeeeeepy. Oh, but they are in Chicago. I have to see that.

I hate these women. They are just like the Tool women, just with better boob jobs and more money.

9:05 pm - The day has finally arrived . . . "My mom has finally decided to get a facelift." Those are words I will never utter. Thank god. But I bet my mom is 10 years older than this women and looks 10 times better.

9:07 pm - Another thing they should never show on TV . . . plastic surgery. Ew.

9:08 pm - OK. It is too fucking cold on my couch to type. I need gloves or something.

9:09 pm - low flying airplane. Rattled the windows. Hope it doesn't wake anyone up.

9:12 pm - Now I have my flannel pajamas on and a down blanket over me and I'm still cold. I swear to god, these women get facials every week. What a waste of money. I like a good massage and all, but I have more important things to spend money on.

9:15 pm - I don't know why people find live blogging interesting. If I wanted a blow-by-blow of someone's life, I would hang out with them. I still think this has got to be more interesting than city council meetings, but I could be wrong. I've gotten a good laugh out of a few city council meetings, but it is more like I am laughing at them rather than with them.

9:23 pm - TV is boooooooring tonight. Maybe The Closer episode I missed this week is on On Demand.

9:26 pm - Nope. I wonder if it is online.

Damn, I can't get it to work. Of course, I'm tired and my patience is running down. I give up. It will be on at some point. They always are.

9:30 pm - Blah, blah, blah. I'm going to go read a book.