Here’s a Really Good Way to Piss Me Off

So, I had to call this other lawyer today who used to represent one of my clients. I need some of the materials he used while representing this client to assist in my representation of him. I’ve called and left about four messages in the last two weeks and, this morning, I finally got him on the line.

(To protect the idiots, I will call him Bob Lawyer. This isn’t actually his name.)

Bob Lawyer: (answering using the speaker phone) Bob Lawyer.

OK - I just have to stop here. I hate it when people answer the phone using the speaker phone. I hate thinking that I am speaking to a room full of people when I first get on the phone. It’s rude, particularly when I might be talking about something confidential. You know, us lawyers tend to discuss confidential things . . . every once and awhile.

Me: Yes, this is Ms. PH and I’m calling about Mr. XYZ, who is a former client of yours.

Bob Lawyer: Oh. Yeah. Well, I’m right in the middle of something . . . hold on.

I’m figuring he’s going to mark his page in a book or save something on his computer and get right back to me. Notsomuch.

Bob Lawyer’s computer: Tap. Tap. Tappity, tappity, tappity, tap, tap, tap. Tappity, tappity, tappity, tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Taptap. Tappity, tappity, tappity, tappity. Tap. Tap. Tappity, tappity, tappity, tap, tap, tap. Tappity, tappity, tappity, tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Taptap. Tappity, tappity, tappity, tappity.

What is he typing . . . a freaking novel? I’m on the phone! Hello! I would have hung up, but since it had taken me so long to get him on the phone, I couldn’t risk losing him.

Bob Lawyer’s computer: Tap. Tap. Tappity, tappity, tappity, tap, tap, tap. Tappity, tappity, tappity, tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Taptap. Tappity, tappity, tappity, tappity. Tap. Tap. Tappity, tappity, tappity, tap, tap, tap. Tappity, tappity, tappity, tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Taptap. Tappity, tappity, tappity, tappity.

Arrrrrrrrggggggghhhhh!

Bob Lawyer’s cell phone: Ring, ring.

Bob Lawyer: (into cell phone) Bob Lawyer. Yeah. Hmm. Uh-huh. OK. No, I’m not available at that time. Right. Yep. No. Sure. OK. Bye.

OK, so he has time to talk to someone on his cell phone, but not to me? Now I’m really pissed and just about ready to hang up, when . . .

Bob Lawyer: Ms. PH? Hi. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Now, the blahs aren’t what he actually said. What he actually said was this long drawn out story about how he had been screwed in this case and lost money on it and was really pissed about it and how he didn’t think he could send me the materials, etc. etc. etc.

Me: Hmm. Well, here’s the thing. I need those materials and here is the address where you can send them.

Click. (He hung up on me.)

See . . . this is what happens when you piss me off. I actually know how to fix the problem he complained about regarding the reason he felt he was screwed. And, under ordinary circumstances, I would have shared my knowledge with him. I just didn’t feel so much like telling him after he kept me waiting on the phone while he typed an email and chatted on his cell phone.

Amazing how simple courtesy could have saved him a couple hundreds of dollars and yet . . . Bob Lawyer choose another direction. C’est la vie.