Why I Will Never Be One of the Cool Kids

My dad recently sent me his first (and thus far, only) text message after getting his new iPhone two weeks ago. The message said, "Hello. Papa." It probably took him half an hour to write that. As much as I laughed at him, I’m probably a lot like him in the texting department. I don’t often use text "slang" and when someone uses it with me, I have to ask what it means.

So, my text messages are very much like my emails - fully formed sentences, punctuation, and correct grammar. I don’t even really like using contractions when I'm writing and once apologized because I texted "your" when I meant "you’re." (I KNOW - the HORROR!!)

I've gotten to know some of the more common text words like OIC and OMG and K, but if I’m writing it, I almost always write Oh, I see and Oh my god and OK. I don’t even use the words "kinda" or "wanna" or "gonna" that often. I’m a little bit uptight in that way.

A friend of mine sent me an online language dictionary so I could learn to be more cool. I reviewed the list of abbreviations and I just don’t think it is going to happen. I think there is just too much possibility of me miscommunicating using these words. Plus, it would take me so much longer to read anything that was written in such slang. For example . . . .

I think that any "abbreviation" that has five letters or more probably isn’t worth the effort, such as:
AFAIK: as far as I know
IANAL: I am not a lawyer (that one is pretty funny, I have to say . . . )
IAWTC: I agree with this comment
IFSFWI: If the shoe fits, wear it!
IMNECTHO: in my not-even-close-to-humble opinion
IMNSHO: in my not so humble opinion
LMIRL: let’s meet in real life
MMORPG: massive multiplayer online role playing game
NALOPKT: not a lot of people know that
NIAGW: not in a gay way
OMGBBQWTF: oh my god, bar-b-que, what the fuck
PLZKTHX: please, ok, thanks
WIBNI: wouldn’t it be nice if
WYSIWYG: what you see is what you get
YTMND: you’re the man now dog

Then there are several that freak me out. If I ever saw one of these, I would be glad I didn’t know what it meant. Unfortunately, I now know and would have to close that chat window immediately:
GYPO: get your pants off
IPN: I’m posting naked
IWSN: I want sex now
NIFOC: naked in front of computer (why? why would you do this? Think of the . . . stuff that would get on your desk chair!)
TDTM: talk dirty to me
WTGP: want to go private?

Finally, there are many abbreviations that could lead to huge misunderstandings because, according to the dictionary, they have multiple meanings:
FTW: for the win or fuck the world or for the world
GFY: go fuck yourself or good for you
GG: gotta go or good game
LOL: laughing out loud or lots of love
POS: parent over shoulder or piece of shit
WTF: what the fuck or where’s the food

So, I may sound like an old-fashioned fuddy-duddy when I text or chat online, but I would prefer that over the alternatives. But if you know how to use these words, GFY.