Parade Politicking

The kids and I attended the West Peoria Fourth of July Parade last week. It was a great parade and the weather was beautiful. After they got over the eardrum-shattering sirens, they were all about the candy and fancy cars. I was more interested in the parade politicking.

Parades and Politicians always go hand-in-hand, and this parade was no different. Every possible political candidate was represented, if not personally walking in the parade. And they all have their own styles and gimmicks. Most had stickers, fliers, and candy for the kids. But some went a step further.

Joan Krupa gave out tiny bottles of bubbles, which was a good idea in theory but she should have tried to open one and get the bubble wand out before giving them to actual children. The bottles contained about one fluid ounce of bubbles, most of which poured out as I tried to remove the teeny-tiny bubble wand. They ended up in the trash, which caused much dismay with my children, despite the fact we have gallons of bubbles in the house.

Jehan Gordon gave out stickers and fliers. The stickers were smart, because my two year old slapped that sucker on her shirt within 5 seconds of receiving it. Hey, a sticker's a sticker, man. My complaint with Gordon was that she only personally greeted the senior citizens. She shook hands with the two seniors on my right side, skipped me, and shook hands with the two seniors (my next door neighbors) on my left side. I don't know . . . maybe she figures she has my vote because I am . . . young? A woman? Who knows.

But one politician exceeded the others in parade politicking by far - Darin LaHood. Of course, it must be in his blood or ingrained in his skin. But he got his name out there better than any other politician I have ever seen in a parade. The first smart thing he did was have his people come around before the parade started with plastic bags for the kids to put candy in. So, by the time any other politician got to us (particularly Lyons), we were already decked in Darin LaHood decoration.

Second, he also gave out stickers, which were promptly stuck under the Gordon sticker on my daughter's shirt. Third, he gave out balloons, which may have been more exciting than candy or stickers to my kids. (More about the balloons later.)

But the best was the Darin LaHood hand sanitizer. I kid you not . . . little bottles of hand sanitizer with a Darin LaHood label on them. It said something like "Let's Clean Up Crime in Peoria." It was ingenious!! I have been talking about that Darin LaHood hand sanitizer for days and showing it to everyone I know. It is going to take a place of prominence on my shelf of odd professional items, right next to my BOP stress ball.

My only complaint about the hand sanitizer was that the LaHood person (not Darin himself) who handed it to me said, "Candy for the kids, hand sanitizer for the moms." I hate that stuff. Why not say, "Hand sanitizer for the grown-ups" or the "parents"? Why are mothers always assumed to be more interested in their child's health or cleanliness than fathers? It reminds me of one of my least favorite slogans, "Choosy Moms Choose Jif." As if dads don't give a shit what their kids eat. Or if they're clean.

Anyway, is that bottle of hand sanitizer going to make me vote for LaHood? Well, no. Things like that make good conversation pieces, but won't influence my vote.