Two months ago, I suggested to my parents that our family only give Christmas gifts to the children and forego any gifts to adults. The idea came during a particularly dark financial time for me because I had just paid out of pocket to have a new roof and gutters (with gutter covers) put on my house. The cost ended up being about twice what had been estimated four years ago. So, I was feeling a little short on cash and not feeling able to give loads of Christmas presents.
There were other reasons for my suggestion. First, when I say “our family,” I only mean my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, my nephew, me, and my son. We do not regularly give gifts to aunts and uncles, cousins, or grandparents, unless we spend the holiday with them. Therefore, my holiday shopping consists of shopping for a total of six people, four of whom are adults.
Second, it’s not like the adults in my family need Christmas gifts. My parents buy whatever they want for themselves. The things I really need as gifts (defined as things I can’t or don’t spend my own money on) are things like carpet cleaning, repainting my bathroom, refinishing my kitchen cabinets, or paying off all my law school loans. These aren’t things that make good gifts and aren’t in the normal gift-price-range.
Third, while I really enjoy picking out the perfect gift for someone, my brother and sister-in-law really suck at gift giving. One year, they gave me a hot pepper plant, despite the fact that I am not a huge fan of spicy food. To make matters worse, the pepper plant was infested with aphids and quickly infested the rest of my house plants. Another year, they gave me a tea kettle which had a huge dent in one side and chipped paint. Two years ago, I asked for the DVD of The Sound of Music. They got me the DVD of Mary Poppins. My brother said he thought they were “close enough.” Last year, they ordered presents so late that they didn’t arrive from Amazon.com until February.
Fourth, my brother and sister-in-law have no idea what constitutes an appropriate gift list for themselves. (We all email around gift suggestion lists, an idea that was started after the aphid-plant incident.) My brother’s list will frequently contain hard to find professional chef items or "investment" wines that can only be purchased at obscure online sites and cost more than $100. My sister-in-law’s list contains similar expensive or hard to find items. (Plus, it is kind of annoying that she continues to publish her Christmas list after converting to Judaism three years ago.) She also writes my nephew’s wish list, which once contained requests for a new car seat, snow boots, and a big boy bed.
Therefore, 2007 became the year of no presents, except for my nephew, my son, and the baby-to-be (coming January 2008). However, it occurred to me that this may not be a good idea. I started to think about the lesson this is teaching my son. What is the message when all of the Christmas presents under the tree are for one kid? (We were not with my brother’s family at Christmas this year.) It essentially is like his birthday, which is only one month before Christmas anyway. What’s the point, really?
I don’t want him to grow up and think Christmas is all about him. Although, now that I think about it, what kid doesn’t think Christmas is all about him? On the other hand, I don’t want to forego all Christmas gifts because giving is the spirit of the season and I have such good childhood memories of Christmas gifts. I don’t want people to think I am one of those crazy “Remember the Reason for the Season” nutjobs, mostly because I don’t believe Jesus is the reason for the season. But that’s another post, another time.
In my opinion, it was actually kind of nice not to get Christmas presents, mostly because I didn’t feel that inevitable let down of getting bad gifts. It was fun to focus only on my son’s excitement about his gifts (although he mostly enjoyed ripping wrapping paper). But I do miss giving gifts at Christmas that people really enjoy. My dad is still talking about the gift I gave him last year - a large supply of pretty postage stamps and a box of Crane stationary. He said it was one of the best gifts he had ever received.
I thought most of the way home yesterday of a way to solve my conundrum. I want Christmas for my family to be about giving and not just receiving. I also want it to be about spending time with family, talking and sharing stories and playing games. Oh well, at least I have another year to think about how to fix this problem.
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4 comments:
Let me know what you come up with, because I struggle with the same issue.
This year my husband and I made a no gift pact, deciding instead to purchase a new light fixture for our bedroom and to pay someone to install it. (Of course, we've been too busy to go pick one out yet). We will enjoy it all year round, so it will be a meaningful gift...
I went through the same no gift thought this year. It was a moment of clarity that hit me while watching shoppers dash in front of cars in a mad effort to get into the mall and find the perfect gift.
I've been putting some thought into it, but haven't come up with any ideas yet.
The thing I most look forward to is gatherings with family and friends.
I'm starting to go through this thought process because my siblings and I are all over 18 now, and I come from a large family (4 children), so my yearly Xmas shopping consists of husband, in-laws, my parents, and 3 siblings ... plus whichever relatives are at our house that year, frequently grandparents, sometimes aunt & uncle, sometimes cousins stuck in Chicago for Xmas, sometimes siblings' college roommates from entirely different countries who've never celebrated Christmas before ...
Anyway, it's a lot of gift-buying and it gets stressful. Also, I don't need more STUFF. I, too, need my carpets cleaned and law school loans paid off. On the other hand, Christmas in our family has always focused a lot on GIVING gifts (not so much the getting, but the thought and effort that goes into getting each family member something).
I suppose at a certain point when there are kids again in the family we'll make the switch to kids-only. But for now I'm sort-of stuck between enjoying the process and being frustrated with the process. Oh well.
In our family, it just got too much with my mother having having 4 brothers and sisters and then all of their children and significant others so we started doing a gift exchange. we pick out a letter each year, everyone has the same one, its under 10 bucks , and we put them in a pile and draw numbers on who gets to pick first....its easy fun and if you get something you dont like, it was cheap and you can throw it away!
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