I'd like to go back to that time in parenting where you can get away with lying to your children. Specifically, I would like to go back to the time where I could eat something in front of my daughter and she didn't have to have a part of it or know exactly what I was eating, mostly because I'm eating something I would never let her eat. Usually, it is something with either a lot of caffeine, alcohol, or sugar, or on a good day . . . a lot of all three.
Last night, my daughter was in her first Christmas pagent at school. It was very cute and very chaotic as it was an all preschool production of semi-recognizable Christmas songs shouted at the top of their lungs. About 80% of the kids picked their noses on stage (including mine), several girls managed to show off their underwear by lifting their fancy Christmas dresses, one child had to be removed from the stage in tears, and only a few boys got in fist fights. Good times.
But, I'm going to have to rely on my excellent memory if I ever want to look at pictures of the evening again because Bad Mommy forgot her camera. I suck. Although I enjoyed the show, I sat there the entire time thinking about what kind of mother I am that forgets to bring a camera to my child's first Christmas pagent.
Anyway, I was feeling a little down when we got home and decided to fix that with some sugar and chocolate. I really had a craving for S'mores, and for the first time ever, I actually had all of the necessary ingredients in my house at the same time. And they weren't stale! (This is mostly because we still have Halloween candy sitting around.) Being the only one awake in the house, I poured myself a little drink, put on my pajamas, made S'mores, and watched a re-run of Grey's Anatomy.
(In case you are wondering how I made S'mores inside my house without a campfire, I will let you in on a little secret. If you have a gas stove, you have a perfect S'more making device. It is much easier than using a candle or the fireplace, but you have to be careful because the heat from a gas flame is much hotter than the heat from a candle or wood flame. Do not be surprised if your marshmallows burst into flames within the first 5 seconds. Given some time, you will discover the perfect technique.)
After a gripping episode of Celebrity Rehab (boy, that Shifty is really fucked up, huh?), I dragged myself to bed, completely forgetting the S'mores mess in the kitchen. In the morning, my daughter walks into the kitchen for breakfast and the following discussion occurs:
Girl: What happened?? (looking at the stove and counter area strewn with marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate wrappers)
Me: Nothing.
Girl: Whatcha eat, Mama?
Me: Nothing. A snack.
Girl: Shellows?? You eat SHELLOWS? (shellows = marshmallows in our house)
Me: Yes. I did.
Girl: Teddy Grahams? YOU eat my TEDDY GRAHAMS? (we call all graham crackers Teddy Grahams . . . just so you think I wasn't making S'mores by pasting together 50 tiny Teddy Grahams to make one big graham cracker.)
Me: Yes.
Girl: When? When you eat . . . CANDY? (She has just seen the chocolate wrappers as I am trying to throw them away to hide the evidence.)
Me: Yes. Just a few pieces last night.
Girl: Why don't I get some? Can I have some now? Can I have some S'mores for bfast?
Me: No. You can have yogurt for breakfast with toast. Wait . . . how do you know what S'mores are? Where did you learn that?
Girl: School.
Me: Damn education.
Girl: You say that?
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9 comments:
SHIT! I totally forgot to watch Celebrity Rehab last night! I guess I'll have to watch one of the 2366537 re-runs before next Thursday.
Oh thats so cute. I tell my kids that every thing I am eating has "Mommy juice" or beer in it so they can't have any. I am sure they will have disgusting memories of their mom eating cookies with beer in it. ; )
Oh and I always forgtet my camera or batteries or the memory card, usually when I am sitting next to the "perfect mother" who has her camera, a video camera and a web cam to grandma's house all going at the same time.
A couple years ago we took our boys to vacation bible school and there was a little boy fist fight during the closing program. Obviously the values taught all week stuck!
I totally was imagining tiny Teddy Grahams stuck to a marshmallow. Then I thought, ohhh I bet they make big ones for S'mores. That would be a great product, giant S'more makin' Teddy Grahams.
MMM... now I want a s'more. For breakfast.
Oh, and Rea and I have also masterd the gas stove method of s'more cookery.
S'mores no nothing for me. I used to take Hershey's Bars and spread peanut butter on em.
My kids were like the dog at D's age...we'd walk in the room after sneaking a piece of chocolate or something and they'd say "ylet me smell you breath, Mom."
Don't sweat the camera thing. Maybe you could plan an encore performance during Christmas for relatives this way D can have the spotlight all to herself? (You're a really, really good Mom, PH.)
When I lived alone, I mastered (and would often eat for dinner), electric oven s'mores.
I would lay the bottom graham squares on a cookie sheet, top them with a row of Hershey's chocolate and put a big marshmallow on that, then bake until the marshmallow just started getting slightly golden. Then, take them out and pop the graham tops on and mash it down...mmm, dinner!
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