Monday, February 9, 2009

Well, You Better Get Used to It

There is a myth in parenting that no one ever talks about. The myth that potty-training is a short term process and that, after a few weeks or a month, your child is wearing underwear, you no longer have to buy diapers, and life can return to before-child normal. You know, the time when you didn't have a daily conversation about poop.

Not so much. My three and a half year old has been wearing underwear for a year. But relieving herself in the toilet was only one step of potty-training. There are about 40 other steps that are conveniently skipped over in parenting books. The "transition from little potty chair to big potty" step. The "yes, you must flush every time you go potty" step. The "weening from potty-rewards step (otherwise known as, "no, grown-ups don't get M&Ms for pooping" step.) The "privacy without locking yourself in the bathroom" step. The "not everyone wants to see your new Hello Kitty underwear" step. The "not discussing what mommy is doing in the toilet in public bathrooms" step.

And then there is the "I wipe my own ass" step. We are currently working on this step right now. Yesterday, we had this conversation:

Daughter: Mama! I need help! (from the bathroom)

Me: With what?

Daughter: Wiping my bottom! I pooped!

Me: You can do it.

Daughter: No, I can't! I need help!

Me: I want you to try to do it. If you can't, I will help you.

Daughter: I CAN'T . . . you need to HELP me.

Me: You need to try and then I will help you.

Daughter: (Long, dramatic sigh) Allllllright, I'll try. I'm getting really tired of this though.


Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

Oh God My son is almost 4 and half and still can't wipe his own ass. Sad I know.

Vodka Mom said...

LOL!!!!!! That was FANTASTIC!

When my son was in kindergarten, he made the teacher across the hall COME AND GET ME to WIPE his ass.

I said, "Wipe it yourself."

Cameron said...

Our daughter is at that age, but I would prefer to wipe it for her and know that it's clean versus the alternative.

Jadedgirl said...

I went through potty training hell myself. Bubba was a stubborn pooper. He peed all day, no problems, no issues...the big boy pot was his friend. But poop? No can do! He FINALLY started doin the dookie in the toilet after he started pre-school. (I can only register a guess that this was because he was the only kid in pre-school still wearing pull-ups) And getting him to flush and wipe...HA! Yeah...I do NOT miss those days at all...

He is almost 8 years old and we still have slight "hygiene" problems in that area. If I see one more skidmark, I am gonna puke.


The joy of parenthood...sigh.

Jennifer said...

Bad news, my kids are 14 and 15...
(Okay, just joking! Seriously!)

Middle Aged Woman Blogging said...

Mine are 22 and 26.... Good luck with that!

Josh said...

"The "not discussing what mommy is doing in the toilet in public bathrooms" step." When are son was 3 we flew to go visit relatives. My son and I go to the bathroom at an airport. When I get done, he yell's super loud "GOOD JOB DADDY, YOU WENT POTTY!" Thanks son.

Diane Vespa said...

I think I would have to plead the
fifth on this topic!

although I will say that the one that started at 18 months, is the one I'm still having trouble with.