Trifecta of Crap (Part Two)

Contacts Conspiracy

A little background is needed for this rant. I have been wearing glasses or contacts since I was in the second grade; in other words, almost 30 years. I have been wearing contacts for the last 20 years. I have spectacularly bad eyes, something I blame on bad genetics (everyone in my family has bad eyes and wears glasses - grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, brother, etc., etc.) My eyes are so bad that I really cannot function unless I have contacts in or glasses on.

Anyway, I have never had much of a problem wearing contacts. I can't stand glasses - they get dirty, they slip on my nose, they irritate my skin, kids can rip them off your face, the dog eats them in the night . . . . you know. Consequently, I wear my contacts almost exclusively, although I take them out to sleep. Over the years, the type and brand of contacts has changed multiple times. Every time, I simply wear the new contacts and notice no difference.

For the last 8 years or so, I have been wearing the same type and brand of contacts. For some unknown reason, the company that makes them has decided to discontinue this type of contacts and claim they have made a better replacement version.

What-the-fuck-ever. Better, my ass. By better, they mean more expensive to the consumer and probably cheaper to make. And they also mean - fucks up your eyes.

I had my annual eye exam in April and was told my contacts had been discontinued. The doctor ordered the "better" version. I tried them. They hurt my eyes instantly. I was assured that stinging was just the solution they were stored in and, when it wore off, they would be fine.

Wrong.

I wore them for a week and could always feel them in my eyes. They never sat right on my eyeball, causing me to blink all the time to straighten them so I could see.

So I went back and got a different brand's trial pair. They also sucked. They were slightly better than the last ones but still uncomfortable. Plus, they were so thin on one axis that they kept folding up like burritos and sticking to themselves. And then another pair - even worse. And this pair is giving me headaches, which makes me oh-so-fun to be around, particularly considering the other shit I am dealing with right now.

I just got off the phone with the eye doctor's office. They want me to come in yet again for another consult. What the fuck for? Basically, I get the routine. They order another kind of contacts, I come in and put them on, I say they are uncomfortable, they tell me to try them for a few days, they hurt for that few days, I call and say they hurt, they tell me they will order another pair, and on and on. But now they are telling me I have to come in to "discuss" my problems. I fucking told him my problems when I was there last week! They hurt, they won't stay put, I can't focus without blinking, it feels like I have a sliver of hard plastic in my eyes.

Bottom line, I can't see. Why do I have to come in to explain this before you order me another sample pair? Because the only thing this is going to accomplish is me getting pissed off and you ordering me yet another pair of sample contacts! Why can't we all save some time and energy (and gas, I might add) and you can order every possible type of sample contacts for me. I take them home, I try them out for a few days each time, I take copious notes, and then I call you and tell you which ones actually work.

Then they say because it is "just like any doctor, he wants to see you wearing them to assess how they fit." Here's a fucking clue - if they hurt or I can't see, they don't fit. I move on to the next one. It's not like prescription medication. It's simple - if I can't see, they aren't working and I take them out of my eyes. I'm not an idiot. I'm not going to leave them in my eyes if they don't fit.

Then they say that, "Sometimes people just can't wear contacts . . . they just don't work for them." OK, maybe 20 years ago that was true when there weren't 5000 brands of contacts on the market. Now, I don't buy it, especially since it was a mere two months ago that I was happily wearing contacts with no problems what-so-ever. Nothing happened to my eyes in the last two months except for the stress of being fucked with over and over again.

My answer to the though that some people "just can't wear contacts"? "I don't think so." The woman laughed at me. I said, "I'm sorry you find that funny but I will wear contacts. If you can't find me some that work, I will find someone who can."

Against my will, I scheduled an appointment for later this afternoon . . . because what was my choice, really? I can't wear glasses, I can't concentrate at work without taking four Advils for the headache pain. I'm constantly blinking at people so I am sure that everyone thinks I am being really flirty or that I have an eye tick.

We will see what happens.