My parents and my grandfather and his wife are coming into town tomorrow. My grandfather, who is my only living grandparent, is 89 years old but still sharp as a tack. My parents are escorting him and his wife on a week long tour of various relatives in the Midwest, cutting a circle through Minnesota, Iowa, Illinois, and Wisconsin.
I am throwing a dinner party tomorrow night for him in Peoria. My mom and I are coordinating dinner and we spoke twice by phone yesterday. The last call ended with her saying, "I will call later tonight to finalize things." When she hadn't called by 9:45 pm, I called her.
It wasn't pretty.
When she answered the phone, she was clearly a little tipsy. Curious as to why she was tipsy on a Monday night, I said, "How is everything?" She replied, "Oooohhhhh . . . you know . . . hmmm." I said, "What's going on?" She said, "I will tell you later. Let's just say, we have almost finished the bottle of Chartreuse." I said, "Oh, my. Straight up?" She said, "Straight up. I'll talk to you in the morning."
When she called this morning, I heard the full story. Apparently, my grandfather is insisting on my mother writing a part of the family history she does not want to write. She said, "He is so rigid!! I got so frustrated, I just about blew. And he wouldn't give up. So, we decided we would just get him drunk. The problem is, I got sort of drunk in the process." I said, "Well, that is one of the pitfalls of trying to get someone drunk."
After finishing our dinner conversation, she said, "Promise me that if your dad and I ever get so rigid in our old age, you will just slap us or something." I said, "Well, how about I just get you drunk? That seems to work for you!"
Getting old people drunk. Just one of the coping skills brought to you by my well-adjusted parents.
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3 comments:
My best advice to my son is "if you ever get arrested for anything, keep your mouth shut. Don't talk. No matter what." (It's a joke based upon our love of Law and Order).
My second best is "Don't help a buddy bury a body unless you have been friends for at least 20 years."
I guess at my house we have an odd sense of humor....
This tactic would never work with my mother. When she gets drunk, she nags me twice as much and bitches about her ex.
Last time we go one of the older relatives drunk she lit our table cloth on fire! Because of that incident I was the only third grader in my class who knew how to mix a vodka martini and a gin martini. Oh, fond childhood memories!
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