They cut down my really big wooden tree penis!! I'm pretty sure it happened this morning after I went to work because I'm pretty sure it was there on my way to work this morning. Who knew I had such power? I shall try to not abuse my great power and be kind to the little people and those who are much weaker than I.
Seriously, though. Can you imagine the conversation that occurred at the Park District's grounds maintenance office? I've been picturing it in my head for the last hour or so.
[The scene: Five guys are sitting around in the maintenance office at the Peoria Park District.]
Guy 1: Huh huh . . . hey guys! Take a look at this! [pointing to blog pictures]
Guy 2: Nice woody! Huh huh huh!!
Guy 3: Huh huh . . . he said woody!
Guy 4: Huh huh . . . she said penis!
Guy 5: Hey, wait. Doesn't that say it's on Park District property? Sweet!
[boss walks in]
Boss: What the fuck are you idiots laughing at?
Guy 1: Look!
Boss: Shit . . . that's on our property? Where? Does anyone know where?? Send out an APB on this really big wooden tree penis. We cannot have that sucker on our property!
[After some frantic emailing, the really big wooden tree penis is located. A plan is formulated. Under the cover of broad daylight and a neighborhood full of primarily elderly people, a lone man in a white truck approaches the really big wooden tree penis. Apprehensive about the effect cutting off a really big tree penis will have on his penis karma, he plans his attack carefully. Starting up the chainsaw, he completes the deed . . . quick and painless. He removes the really big wooden tree penis and throws it in the back of his truck. He returns to the Park District office and displays the really big wooden tree penis to be revered by all for evermore, evermore.]
I took pictures during my lunch hour and I will post them when I get home tonight. They cut off the entire penis, not just a portion of it to make it look less like a penis, but the entire penis, which I think was overkill, really. But you wanna know the best part?
They covered up the stump with snow!
Why was that necessary? As if covering it with snow (a substance that will melt in the next few days anyway) will hide the shame of a really big wooden tree penis formerly occupying a spot on Park District Property? Why else would they cover it up? To conceal their dirty deed from me? Well, it didn't work, primarily because there is sawdust all around the tree and tire tracks leading up near to the tree, and men's work boot prints all around the tree. I may be blonde, people, but I am not stupid.
But I remain in awe of my power and the power of my blog. I shall plan my next post very carefully, for you apparently never know what I can get people to do by just bitching about it.
Bwahahahahahaha!
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9 comments:
Remind me not to piss you off!
Shit if I wasen't nervous to meet you before....
I know you have fantastic powers and all, but I think it was a couple frat boys who read your blog and now have penis tree in their basement.
That would be cool too . . . frat boys reading my blog! I know I'm popular with the emo boys, but the frat boys too? Cool.
Man I wouldnt mind a penis tree in my basement. Damn should have gotten there quicker!
I'm pretty certain that I hit the penis tree with a golf ball. Seriously.
The whole situation is hilarious. Perhaps you should be wary of the various government agencies that monitor your blog.
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