There are certain events in life that remind you that you are now an adult. Getting your first "real" job. Buying your first car or home. Buying your first major appliance to put in that home. Spending all of your savings on a new roof rather than on food and drink while on vacation. Having children. Paying a babysitter to watch those children (for some reason, that was a real shocker to me - I was always the babysitter, not the parent leaving.)
Then there are certain events in life that remind you that you are getting older. Not being carded anymore when purchasing alcohol (or responding SURE, THANK YOU!! when asked for your ID.) Remembering the "good ol' days" in the 1980s and realizing children born in 1991 can now legally drive. Being called "Ma'am" at the grocery store. Seriously paying attention to your retirement account. Having your first mammogram.
Yep. There is nothing like having your breasts sqeezed between two hard pieces of plastic by a 2-ton machine that is really just an overgrown c-clamp to remind you that you are no longer a kid. Never in my life would I have thought it was perfectly normal to allow another woman to grab my boobs and shove them around until every last inch is squished flat. I mean, seriously, most people at least have to take me out to dinner and buy me a couple of drinks to get that kind of access.
Certainly, I appreciate my doctor's aggressive stance on preventive health care. I understand that having this boob-squishing at age 35 is meant to provide a baseline for comparison when I have the next one at age 40. I mean, I was all for the baseline EKG at 32. But, then again, that just involved having little sticky thingys on my chest, not breath-stealing force applied to a very sensitive part of my body.
The good part of the whole experience was that it lasted less than half an hour, including sitting in the waiting room. But I was traumatized enough to convince myself I needed a treat afterward, so I went to Starbucks to get a latte and a pastry. Here's the funny part - I wore a shirt that exposed my neck and upper chest. Because I have very sensitive skin, my chest was still really red from the squeezing when I entered Starbucks. The poor guy behind the counter looked at me and said, "Wow - someone got a sunburn!!"
I looked down and said, "Oh, no . . . I just had my first mammogram." He was rendered speechless and simply made my latte without another word. I suppose I should have spared the poor guy from reality, but I am just more into honesty.
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6 comments:
I think I'll reserve my comments on this post for fear of sounding like the Starbucks dude.
I had my first mammagram earlier this year and I did the same thing, v-neck shirt. Glad I'm not the only one.
p.s. just wait until your son is a teenager, both PI and I have experienced that whole "children thinking your ancient" phenomenom.
Women get mammograms, guys get to start going to Dr. Jellyfinger for the prostate exam. Sounds like a square deal to me.
Comparing a Prostate Exam to a Mammogram is kind of like comparing apples to oranges.
For a more balance comparison gentlemen think about taking your most sensative body part (I won't actaually spell it out for you but I'm sure you all know which part I'm referring to) and having it squeezed between "two hard pieces of plastic by a 2-ton machine".
There that seems a more balanced comparison don't you think ladies?
I was being facetious. I do believe a mammogram is quite a bit more painful, but I also believe that a prostate exam is more humiliating.
If what Terri says is true, I'm eternally thankful that I'm a guy, not to mention I don't have to birth.
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