Maybe I Need to Raise My Expectations . . .

. . . of my cat. I have been a cat owner my whole life and pretty much expect them to do nothing but, you know, cat things. Eating, using the litter box, sleeping the sunshine, playing with a few toys, ignoring me, purring, etc.

But then I read this story about the cat who can predict nursing home patients' deaths within a few hours. Jeez. That has certainly raised the bar for cats everywhere. So, I got to thinking about my cat's "special talents." Here they are:

(1) Eating Toilet Paper. My cat can find a roll of toilet paper within a one mile radius. He will search and then destroy by chewing the whole roll into tiny little pieces. If you are ever in my house and have to use the bathroom, please ask where the toilet paper is hidden. I haven't had a roll of toilet paper on the holder in either bathroom for more than three years.

(2) Instantly Teleport to the Location of a Newly Opened Window. Anytime I open a window anywhere within the house, my cat shows up immediately. I have no idea how he can travel so fast, but he can get from the basement to the second floor in nanoseconds if I open a window.

(3) Occupy Half of My Queen Size Bed. Seriously. He is a big cat (about 17 pounds) but not that big. But he can push me and the 100 pound dog around in the bed until he has half of the bed.

(4) Defy Death Multiple Times. I used to call him "Danger Kitty" because he has used about six of his nine lives. While still a kitten, he swallowed a Q-Tip whole and passed it (I didn't know until I cleaned the litter box). He has licked Nair off of my legs. He chews on plastic bags and eats the pieces. He attacks my 100 pound dog by biting her face, legs, and ass. He has attacked other similarly sized dogs in the neighborhood. Yet, he is scared of rabbits. He has fallen out of the second story window (he pushed the screen out). He has been enclosed between the window and screen for five hours because he closed it on himself trying to catch a fly.

All and all, I love my cat. I figure he is supposed to have issues because he is a rescue cat and probably suffered some trauma before he came to my house. When I mentioned the cat who can predict death to a co-worker, he said, "How do you know your cat can't predict death? Maybe he's never had the chance - you're not dead yet." Maybe I am glad my cat has the lesser feline talents.

Speaking of rescue cats, will someone please adopt the cat Eyebrows highlighted on her blog. I'm gonna cry if he doesn't get adopted soon.