10 Jobs I Would Love to Try . . .

. . . if I didn’t have these damn law school loans to repay.

What do you want to be when you grow up? I didn't decide to become a lawyer until after I graduated from college (although my parents will tell you I had been training for it all of my life.) Every once and while, I dream of doing something else . . . something more creative or that would allow me to move to Canada and support myself if this election goes the wrong way.
Here they are:

(1) Architect. I have always wanted to be an architect but I was kept down by "the man." Even when I was a little kid, I was building or drawing houses. Even now, I could study house plans for hours and hours and think about exactly what I would change about every room and every corner.

(2) Interpreter at the United Nations. And not because I love Nicole Kidman. I just always thought it would be really cool to be able to speak several languages and meet people from all over the world. I also would really like to know about all of the stuff they talk about at the U.N. I’ve always been nosey, and the U.N. is the perfect place to learn the big secrets. Plus, I like the idea of traveling in and out of the country every day for work.

(3) Book Store Owner. Not like the owner of a chain book store. More like the owner of a really cool independent book store with an independent coffee shop in it. It would be a place filled with dark woods, overstuffed furniture, and no mass-market paperbacks. I imagine myself reading all the time, shelving books, talking with intellectual customers about the latest Pulitzer Prize winning novel, and snobbishly laughing at the guy who just came in the store to ask for the latest Danielle Steele novel.

(4) Fashion Designer. I know, I know. You people who know me personally are probably thinking, WTF? Admittedly, I am not a fashion plate. But I always loved designing and sewing clothes for my Barbies so I think a career in haute couture is not so far-fetched. Too bad real people won’t let you shove pins into their empty rubber heads to keep their fancy hats on.

(5) Writer. OK, so I am really a writer in real life. But this is not the kind of writing I am envisioning when I say "I want to be a Writer." I mean the type of writer who has already written a best-seller so she could afford to live on an island in Puget Sound or on the Outer Banks and spend the next 10 years contemplating the next best seller. I picture days of walking on the beach, drinking coffee on the deck, shopping at the local farmer’s markets, drinking wine by candlelight, traveling to do "research" and . . . POP . . . out comes my next two million dollars in advances.

(6) Nurse. That’s a lie - I don’t really want to be a nurse. I deal enough with bodily fluids now in my real life. What is appealing about being a nurse is wearing scrubs to work. I can’t tell you how envious I am of those people who don’t have to make any clothing decisions in the morning other than "which pair of comfy pajama pants and shirt should I wear to work today?" No ironing, no suits, no high heels, no nylons, no fancy underwear required. Sounds like heaven to me. Too bad you have to deal with sick people. I hate sick people.

(7) Life Coach/Non-Sexual Dominatrix. Alright . . . before your imagination gets the better of you, what I really mean is someone who comes into someone else’s life and tells them in no uncertain terms what they need to do to make their lives better. I wouldn’t be one of those hand-holding life coaches. Oh, no. Quit yer bitching, stop the whining, and throw some shit out, literally and figuratively. I think everyone could use a good slap in the face every once and awhile. I would love to be paid to be the slapper.

(8) Pastry Chef. No explanation really needed here. Pastries are the most wonderful things ever . . . who wouldn’t want to be surrounded by them day after day?

(9) Brangelina’s Nanny. I was a nanny once. I enjoyed it. However, I always thought it would be super-exciting to be a nanny for a really famous person’s kids. You would get to do all of that traveling, see the world, live the life of a movie star without having to be in the focus of the cameras. Of course, you would probably have to do some really weird shit and end up raising six spoiled brats with limited input from their parents . . . but, seriously. Don’t they employ several other nannies too? In that case, I would want to be the head nanny.

(10) Reality TV Star a la Rachel Zoe or Kathy Griffin. I just want a camera crew to follow me around day after day and capture the seriously crazy shit that happens to me and record some of my more brilliant witizisms for posterity’s sake. I already know what my theme song would be . . . . Too bad I am such a private person. I don't suppose people would watch a reality TV show where the star's face was blacked out, along with her kids' faces, her family's faces, and all of her friends. What? I would let them show the dog and the cat.

I didn't think so.